Well, today was the last day of maternity. Walker starts day care tomorrow (Larry’s and my 11 year anniversary) and Monday I go back to work. (I’ve had to be very careful with how I reference this transition. I’ve found that I’ve been saying things like, “this is our last day together” which makes it sound like we are going to send him off somewhere… Larry wipes away my tears with Walker’s burpees. I’ve already arranged for a co-worker to talk me off a ledge when I go back to work on Monday — can’t be too prepared.) We really took advantage of our time together today, spending the majority of the day hosting our mommy group. We had five mommy-baby pairs over, ate yummy foods and talked about diapers, poop and other things that only new mommies find fascinating.
I’ve found myself a bit melancholy this week but have been very determined not to let Walker know. I’d burst into tears thinking about the fact that Walker, Larry and I are about to take the next step in our lives. It’s important to do and it will be good for us all but it that doesn’t make things any easier. Tonight I packed up Walker’s bin (diapers, bottles, clothes, wipes, etc.) and that made me very sad. I began to cry. I don’t like to let my soft-mushy side show through too much so I put myself to work making Walker a nice sign for his bin. It’s quite lovely with his picture on one side and his name big and bold on the right. I hope he appreciates it one day. I think it made me feel better — not only because it distracted me — but because it made me think of all the times in the future when we will get to do crafty things together. (For those of you who don’t know, I like to make things.) While we won’t be spending all our time together, we’ll get to spend quality time together. On a related note, Walker and I made some hand and foot prints in clay. Larry and I were just discussing whether we should create a butt print. This spawned a conversation about whether Walker would appreciate that when he gets older. If he grows up like me, probably not. If he grows up like Larry, he’ll think it’s hysterical. What will he be like?
So, tomorrow Walker will begin his own thing. Mommy and Walker had our thing together. We were one. Now Mommy will go back to her thing, Daddy will have his thing, Walker will start his thing, and we will have a very special thing together as a family. This gives me some sense of serenity. (It doesn’t hurt that I have a new boss who is awesome and is very supportive. If he wasn’t there making things easier for my team, I think I’d be feeling worse. I’m actually excited about work but dread going to work if that makes any sense.)
Enough whining. Did I mention that Walker rolled over from front to back this week? YAY!
Things I didn’t do that I planned on completing:
- go to the dentist
- edit vacation movies
- organize Walker’s room
- start Walker’s scrapbook
- weed and clean up the backyard
- organize my desk
- build a path in the backyard
Here’s what I did accomplish:
- significantly curb my swearing (gosh, I swore like a SAILOR!)
- hug and kiss and generally smother an adorable little boy
- meet wonderful people
- learn a bunch about myself
I guess it all works out and I’m thrilled. Over the last few months, I did notice that my “One More Thing” tendancy hasn’t really been reduced and thankfully, Walker has been gracious enough to let me jam yet another thing into our list of tasks. (And when he doesn’t want to let me do another thing, he lets me know.)
Tomorrow we take Walker to day care. Larry and I will have been married 11 years. I love my life and my family.